I Wrote The Book

When it comes to hitchin' the boat up Backin' down the ramp in my old truck To find a bunch of logs, to catch a bunch of hogs Yeah, I wrote the book, yeah, I wrote the book If you wanna learn to throw a curve right Catch a clean up lookin' on a third strike Talk a little smack while he's walkin' back Yeah, I wrote the book But there's one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand One that says don't cuss and don't fight Or let the bottle turn you into a different man But damn if I don't do it every Friday night Those get you into Heaven letters in red Ain't gettin' read enough to keep me on a straight line I'm a Jack of all trades, but man I gotta say That's one book I didn't write I met a good girl, she had her life straight She said she loved that I was good at everything One day she left me in a cloud of dust 'Cause I never was too good at pickin' up The one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand One that says don't cuss and don't fight Or let the bottle turn you into a different man But damn if I don't do it every Friday night Those get you into Heaven letters in red Ain't gettin' read enough to keep me on a straight line I'm a Jack of all trades, but man I gotta say That's one book I didn't write Yeah, the good Lord knows I need it I didn't write it, but I probably oughta read it The one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand One that says don't cuss and don't fight Or let the bottle turn you into a different man But damn if I don't do it every Friday night Those get you into Heaven letters in red Ain't gettin' read enough to keep me on a straight line I'm a Jack of all trades, but man I gotta say That's one book I didn't write That's one book I didn't write That's one book I didn't write